Autumn

I kicked off my covers as soon as the bright sunlight flashed right on my eyes. I didn’t get up though. I turned towards the other side. I couldn’t sleep again. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone which lay on the wooden side table.

I switched it on to see 28 new texts. I looked at the ones my friend sent to me and laughed out loud, almost snorting. I replied to most of the texts and put it back on the table and finally brought myself to trudge out of the bed.

I changed quickly and rushed outside grabbing my bag, books, keys, a snack bar and shutting the door close. All in two minutes.

I straightened my shirt once I stepped into the building. I waved at the group of people who were seated on the chairs by the front desk. I got a small nod from the guy sipping coffee and that was it. Huh. I walked upstairs clutching my folders. I had a big interview today.

I met with a man who seemed in charge of the interviews and he told me to sit down with a gesture of his index finger.

I sat and placed my file on his desk. He barely asked me three questions before he took my file and dismissed me. He seemed preoccupied with listening to someone talking through an earpiece I hadn’t noticed till he turned to put my file away. I sighed and walked out of the room.

I was supposed to meet with a friend at the coffee place nearby but by the time I got there, there was no sign of him. I tried calling once but it went straight to voicemail.

Something was different today. The aura of a pleasant autumn day was completely off. While going back home I smiled a couple of strangers walking across. If I was having a bad day, that couldn’t mean I couldn’t brighten up someone else’s. But both of them pretended to not notice and continued their involved conversation.

I plugged in my earphones and called my friend. She picked up in about 8 rings and immediately broke me off when I was greeting her by saying that she had to be somewhere in ten minutes. I heard the beep and turned my phone off.

I felt myself fading away and breaking off, losing connection with everything around me. Just like the leaves falling from the gigantic tree on the street.

I walked home in silence and took a hot shower as soon as I reached. I brushed my hair wondering what was up today. Everything felt immensely dull. I called him, asking whether he wanted to come over for dinner but the request was responded with a simple ‘I’m too busy today’.

I made myself a bowl of mac and cheese and sat in front of the T.V, looking at the news and chewing slowly.

Everyone seemed so absorbed with every little thing. I could say the same about me, but I was learning. Learning to grow, learning to appreciate but with every passing minute it got more intense, it got harder to let go. It was even harder to accept the fact that things might not change immediately. The feeling of invisibility is not as exciting as one would imagine, but things will get better when it is learnt that nothing ever stays the same. A moment may be depressing and the next, not so much.

This was just something I was thinking about, how everything keeps changing and how everyone is so absorbed, trapped in their little bubble of monsoon when autumn had come and gone.

(image cred: youreadmymind)